Big Brother Jason

I have made it back from another wonderful TEC weekend. And I got so much from this weekend! But... one really special thing. I'm sure anyone that was on TEC #223 with me is tired of hearing about this, but he means the world to me. I am the oldest of three girls, and for nearly 21 years, the only thing I have ever REALLY wanted was a big brother. And FINALLY! Finally this weekend, God has blessed me with him. His name is Jason. And he is my hero. I met Jason for the first time just before Christmas. My love for him was instant. He just lit up the room with his smile! And at this meeting, he gave a talk and used a song. A couple days before the new year, his song came on the radio and I about had a heart attack! My family probably thought I was nuts! Which... I really am. I contacted everyone I knew and asked if they had Jason's number. But they didn't. I thought, "That's ok. I'll see him this weekend at our next meeting." But, surprise surprise, my car broke down. I couldn't make it to the meeting. So I texted a friend that was in the meeting and passed the message to get Jason my phone number. So we sent a few texts back and forth and that was it until the last meeting. We met again there and again he lit up the room. But it wasn't until we arrived on the weekend that I really got to know Jason. I am so thankful for him! I just can't speak enough good about this guy. His love for God and for others is amazing! And his love for his family? It brings me to tears. I wish you could see the way he holds them. The way he looks at them. The way he adores them. It is beautiful.

Over the course of the weekend, I got a letter. On the front, all it said was, "Syd!" And that was all I needed. He had already made my day. And then when I opened it and looked inside... it said, "My sister." And that was it. That was my sign. Right then God told me, "Sydnee! You now have a big brother!" And I rejoiced! My heart was dancing with joy! I was dancing with joy! I wrote him a letter and explained all of this and that I had now adopted him. I hoped that was ok with him because it was already done. :-) Later that day, Jason gave me a hug and told me that he was the baby of the family with all older sisters. And all he ever wanted was a little brother or sister. And here I am! "Still here." :-) Jason... I don't even know what I can say about him to make you understand how great he is! He always knows when I need an extra squeeze. He always seems to turn up next to me when I need him most. Whether he planned it that way or not, I don't know, but that's the beauty of the Holy Spirit and him being my brother. One night, as I was sitting on the floor, staring down this dark hallway, Jason comes walking towards me. And the only thing I can see in the darkness, is his smile. I am not joking. It was kind of like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. A floating smile. But I knew it was him. He gave up his guitar for a few songs during Mass to allow me to play. And then he praised me... Even when I messed up! He is a source of God's love, support, encouragment, light... the list is endless... when I may not always have them from elsewhere. I am pretty sure I am probably driving him crazy. :-) But that's the thing about big brothers - they love unconditionally. ;-)

Coming back home from this weekend is so very difficult. I cried the entire way home. But, as I learned on this TEC weekend, I have to take it one step at a time. "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time." Jesus is helping me along with this so much! First step is to say goodbye. Then I have to open my car door. Sit in the driver's seat. Start my car. Then drive home. I turn off my radio and drive in silence. I talk with God. He speaks to me. It is a beautiful thing. I take my exit. Drive down my street. Pull into my parking lot. I want to just sit in my car for a bit and read my Bible. But God gives me a little nudge to take the next step. It's ok. He is my strength. I can take this step. I get out of my car. (I really have to go to the bathroom. :-S) I grab my things from the weekend. I rush upstairs. I drop off my things and do my business. As I walk back to my car to unload my last couple things, I walk slowly. Reflect. And notice that no one is here. They are all in a meeting. God has blessed me with a few more minutes with just me and Him. I see signs of the "real world" all around me. I'm not ready to face it. I want to run back to the safety of my TEC family. But now is not the time. It is so hard. But it's ok. God is at my side. And here I am. "Still Here."

Thank you, God for my TEC family. And especially for my Big Brother Jason. I wouldn't be here without you and them. The past 14 months have been especially difficult, and I've really been struggling. But you called me back to TEC and back to you. Reminding me that I can't get better all at once. I can only simply take it one step at a time. It's not easy and it takes a while, but that's how it has to happen. Thank you for it all. I love you. \..